We think about ourselves in such a finite way that it does not occur that we
are changing even if we do not realize. So I am asked, "Who am I?" and what
adjectives do I say? What can I think? My first adjectives are kind, thoughtful,
and funny. I do not say if I am smart or intelligent. I say well-read and then
name my favorite book and recite a line from my fav poem
Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman or
Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath. I would say I have 2 older
sisters, a niece and a nephew (who are great and wonderful and inspire me to
to be better.) I would say I am in graduate school and that if I had to
go to school again I would do Sociology/Political Science. Or maybe be an Art
Conservator. I could say that I am super shy and a little bit awkward. I would
say that I like to play Animal Crossing, Sims and do Sudoku. I do not like to cook
but I try to every day. It is hard for me to buy furniture because I am
indecisive. I love the colors yellow, pink and gold. I am eager to buy the
cutest quilt from Urban Outfitter.
I love love love love duck shaped things. I also say that I have a façade
where I am rough and have a hard shell. I have a hard time being vulnerable and
I love an after work nap. I think vulnerability is brave and I am not courageous
right now. I live for the present but have a hard time letting of the past and thinking far too much in the future.
I love my family and the few friends that I have. I love the friends I am going to have and I love the tv shows I watch. I love my interests and have love for my goals. I love my handwriting and the coloring books and coloring pencils I have. I love playing Wordle when I get it right, lol. I also love when I make people laugh or when people make me laugh. I love random acts of kindness. I love peace. I love the morning dew. I love when the world is quiet and I wish I would have appreciated lockdown more. I love the books I read and the books my Uncle sends me. I love the future and finding peace for the past.
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Now since that prompt is over with, I worked out today. I also did not eat dinner since I feel full from my lunch still. I am having conversations about FWBs and I am not too sure I want to participate in them. I have vowed to be single for the next year or year and a half. I want to ensure I am giving my next person the best version of me. I was not a good girlfriend and I want to ensure I understand how to put more effort and stop having tunnel vision. I also watched Derry Girls and now I am watching Murder She Wrote. This weekend I felt average. I also do not know if that is a true emotion. I felt average in thought in feeling and in looks. I also feel sad for my 17 year old self, because what if I did succeed in _______ and now I am living what my life would be life and I did not even attempt ______. I am glad it did not work. I suppose that I can end off on a quote about hope or melancholy. I am going to read tonight after I take a shower. This week I am going to Houston and I am going to eat and be merry.
"A great fire burns within me, but no one stops to warm themselves of it, and passers-by only see a wisp of smoke." -- Vincent Van Gogh
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