5. What is the shape of your body? + 'Sehnsucht'

     This is a good question because I really appreciate my legs but not my tummy or my back. I am buying running shoes to start doing more cardio. My goal is to lose 20 lbs in the next 3 months. So 5 lbs every month. I am also grateful to be able to have the opportunity to run and walk and do Apple fitness. In August I am going to get a Hotworx subscription to start getting more lean. I also am happy to have a body and I do not like to criticize it too much. I find speaking life into myself does my mind better. I am also starting a goal to eat 1 cup of vegetables for next month and making sure I hit both fiber and protein goals, so by July 29th I should see a difference. My body is also in a state of confusion because I sat in ANTS!!!!!!!!!! so gross. I think I am chubby but working on being confident in that and now that I am working on it!!!! This was a good prompt to help me recognize what I like and dislike about my body. It also allowed me a chance to think about goals I have for the next three months. Maybe I can do that 75 hard or close my rings everyday for a month starting tomorrow. I shall think about it. 

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    Okayyy, back to regularly scheduled talk. From my blog title I want to talk about yearning. I yearn all the time for everything. I yearn for past to be better, I yearn for the present me to live in the moment and I yearn for things I want and do not have. The things I yearn for are not of material nature, I do not want instant gratification. I want to take my time and understand my feelings of yearning to see how.I can satisfy them. What quotes do they have about yearning? What ideas have been written? 'Sehnsucht' is a German word that "describes an emotion that is difficult to explain and more challenging to understand. Sehnsucht is yearning and craving, inconsolable longing, infinite dreaming, gazing at the stars. It is sensitive, creative, sad and optimistic, confusing. I found that in an article they also mention German Romanticism. Romanticism was a small period from 1798 to 1837. It was a response the vastly changing environment and how Industrialization changed the environment also of the Enlightenment period, as well. It was a period that emphasized nature and man. At the end of this blog I am going to list some books that I need to read about Romantic artists that I have not heard of before. I have a quote from a Romantic philosopher in my notes on my phone. "Tired of the eternal effort to fight our way through raw matter, we chose another way and sought to embrace the infinite. We went inside ourself and created a new world." - Henrik Steffens (he is a Dutch philosopher I believe.....sike Norwegian philosopher.) **Romanticism was a reaction to change. It emphasizes the individual,, the subjective, the irrational, the imaginative, the personal, the spontaneous, the emotional, the visionary, and the transcendental. 

    Okay so I talked about two different ideas but how do they relate to me and my feelings of sehsucht? What do I crave the most? How deep do I go here? I crave to be understood for someone to allow me to speak freely about what is on my mind. I crave a love that is centered in friendship first. I crave to be unbounded by social constructs that have been put in place. I want to be able to be emotional and soft and a feminine. I want to learn how to allow my "hard" and "soft" personas to coexist. I want to become emotionally intelligent and aware of how to handle situations that may be out of my control. I want to speak about what I am passionate about without my ears turning red or me fumbling my words.

    I enjoyed this prompt. The one from my first post and the one now. I went to Houston this weekend and I had a good time. I wish I did not spend all my Saturday standing in a merch line for Beyonce and I did not end up getting anything. I should have spent it going to museums and eating pastries! But c'est la vie.  I also want to emphasize friendships and how it is important to embrace differences. buttt maybe I save that for my next blog. :-) 

I feel misunderstood most of the time and quite lonely because of it. I like being alone but feeling like no one gets me does get lonely after a while. :-( 

""But I like you." He cleared. He cleared his throat. "I like you first and second and third." - F Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise

Romanticism books I need to read:

The Vampyre by John Polidor

(I guess it was just one book) (((I am reading about Dracula and which I thought was a Romantic novel but it was just influenced by the period.))) Also if you cannot tell my favorite period is Romanticism followed by Transcendentalism and the Beat Generation. All responses to change or urging changes to be made. Also two other ideas for topics :-)