The sky + what triggers me?

I thought this cloud looked like a dog. In a pervious blog I said what I wanted to make sure I am appreciate beams of light (or in this case clouds) that move me. On my phone I have an album dedicated to the sky. I will add another photo here: 

I have to say this is one of my favorite photos of the sky. It was taken August 8, 2015 (almost 10 years ago) which is wild. I have taken more photos of course but this one is my favorite because of the colors. I took this with flash. 

I want to make sure that I am taking pictures of nature just to remember the small things matter and it is important to stop and smell the roses, as they say. 

I think today I want to talk about triggers. I do not if I would ever post my voice or videos on here but I speak very passionately about things that interest me or I get too excitable. I also have been told I have a monotone voice and for sure have a lisp which makes me not like my voice at all. How I sound in my head is not what I sound like in videos lol. Okay this does tie into triggers I would like to make a list so they do not flow together and get discombobulated. (I need to use this word more)

• I do not like when people act like they do not care. Apathy has taken the place over empathy. If someone hurts my feelings I do not repress them, I wait until I am in a more logical space and then speak about what and why I am upset. I do not like avoidant people who rather not speak at all about issues, which annoys the crap out of me. I guess it makes me wonder "Why don't you care?" I want to encourage a flow of emotions. I guess this is ironic coming from someone who does not share her true self to anyone. 
• I do not like when people accuse me of having an attitude which ties into my earlier statement about me speaking passionately about topics or ideas. My ex would always accuse me of having an attitude or getting defensive it makes me upset just thinking about it. I love people who are passionate, who stand for things (that are good ideals not anything harmful or repressive). The only people who understand that I do not have an attitude is my family, friends and some coworkers. I also want to be clear that I typically only have an attitude when I am hungry (like most people) or when I am PMSing. 
• I do not like when people have emotional volatile reactions. That is a big trigger for me because it makes me afraid to speak up which is why I have trouble speaking up. My mom and dad have this trait. My mom was emotionally neglect and when we did tell her things her reaction never matched the situation. My dad just was angry if we did not follow what he said, he wanted more robot than daughter now he has nothing. (I will get into later but he has stated he does not like me) the only thing I will say, to get rejected by half of the person who made you is wild and crazy work (sad) but I honestly do not mind it. The more I get to know who he was the more I get disappointed in who he is as a person. 
• I do not like intentionally rude people. Going out of your way to be rude to someone and frame it as "keeping it real" is just you being a jacka** (I actually do not want to curse in this blog, lets get it PG or PG13). 

I am looking at this list and I do not know if these are triggers or a list of what I do not like HAHA. so let me just make bulletin list

• Emotionally volatile reactions
• People who are rude
• People who are not self aware
• People who do not know how to genuinely apologize
• Getting called a liar

I think that is it. I do not want to make it seem like I am complaining in this blog but just stating the things I do not like. I also want to link a speech of something that has moved me for many years and I watch it a couple of times a year. I feel this speech is more important than ever in times or pessimism and in country that has stopped encouraging community and praises "looking at for yourself"(We should love each other and be kind to ourselves). I have to believe that these troubling times will not last forever, that good always prevail, and that kindness has been stitched into the fabric of our DNA and we the People will rise against dictatorship that is taking place. Although I feel it is more an oligarchy than anything.

 I do not know if this blog is long or short. Nor do I know if it made any sense. The only thing that has been on my mind is kindness and how to spread it and how to be kinder to myself. Having discipline is the kindest thing I will and can do for myself. I also am thinking about my unrequited crush if I could be honest here. But I will not touch on it too much, this too shall pass. I think I am done for tonight but it is Cinema Saturday so I will list the movies I watched.

• The Blackening 
• Jaws
• Jaws 2
• V for Vendetta 

I would have watched more but I took a two hour nap and worked out 😁 I also want to read before it becomes midnight.

"I can't think of anything but nights with you." - Zelda Fitzgerald to Scott Fitzgerald, 1919

P.S I really enjoyed all the movies I watched today.