What does living well feel like and look like? + Desires + Psychological hedonism & "Failure of kindness" + friendship drama I guess....?

 (It has been 3 days blog!!!!!) 

Omg I just want to make sure I am saying things that are substantial and not banal....anyways...I was reading my Epicurean book about how to live well and how that looks (looked) for Epicurus. For him making friends is the important step to tranquility. Which has me thinking about what does living well look like for me? How am I achieving that? What is my dream life? Also what do I truly desire and am I brave enough to say it outright. (I think after today I am decidedly NOT brave and I hope to be one day) But one topic at a time and I will tie in why desire comes up at least with Epicurus. I think for me living well is more than being financially safe it is being at peace with who you are and having those around accept you and not change or force change upon you. I thought that I wanted to stay in the city and be around all the business of the everything (like city life) but I think now about the country life with a yard to garden and have a gazebo. I would love a natural swimming pool and to be greeted by the birds with a beautiful sunrise to welcome the new day. I am not sure what state I would want to raise my kids in but I do want to live in DC for a bit and then transit out to that country dream.

 So far I have the plan to save money so hopefully I can get out of here by August 2026. I used to say I did not want kids and the biggest reason for not wanting kids was because I felt like I would have over compensated for the emotional neglect I felt as a kid. However, that is one of the topics that I plan on tackling in therapy. (I keep getting distracted!!!) ** I wanted to touch on what I desire however I do not want to make this blog too long I will save it for when I get back home (I am currently in San Diego). However Epicurus does have 3 different type of desires: Natural and necessary, natural and unnecessary and corrosive desires. 

In living for pleasure, the author states that Epicurus is a psychological hedonist  (two words I have never seen together and wanted to research about it) . According to Britannia, psychological hedonism is the view that all human action is ultimately motivated by desires of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. (This idea also reminds me Hellraiser and the configurations of the puzzle box ((love that movie so much)))) . 

Okay okay, I will have to pause it here and pick back up tomorrow. I keep falling asleep

**** The rest of this is being written August 4!!!  Since the idea assumes the agents that practice  psychological hedonism are motivated by only their pains and pleasure psychological hedonism is a form of psychological egoism. Psychological egoism is in itself its own topic but the basic idea from what I can gather is that psychological hedonists sole source of pleasure are intrinsic values. Also it is seen as psychological egoism because people are striving to increase their own happiness. ** A very water downed explanation because I want to be able to explain topics in an easily understood way. 

The reason why I wanted to discuss the "failure of kindness" is because it was also referenced in living for pleasure and it was an idea formed by George Saunders. Failure of kindness is a speech that George Saunders reflects on how he could have been more kind. That he reminisces of missed opportunities to be kind one incident is described in the brief video. Being kind, to George Saunders, comes from personal growth from human experiences that it should be cultivated and that human propensity lean towards centeredness.  I can remember being that new kid in school and wanting kindness.  I think I have references kindness often in this blog. I find kindness to be something lacking in interactions, seen as unauthentic. I discussed perviously about wanting to show kindness for the George Saunders' speech to be introduced to me as I am going through personal growth I feel like is kismet.   

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Okay so idk if I this if friendship drama but it is something I want to relay. Pierre chose an Airbnb, I sent him one and he wanted one with better parking. (aka free) I also sent hotels which was the same price as the Airbnb he picked out but it is his birthday. We get here, he did not know that it was a duplex, he also did not know that the room I was staying in did not have any AC vents. Only 2 fans, 1 in the living room and 1 in his room. The room also had a hard bed, a broken outlet, dirty baseboards and I did not want to stay there. I got a hotel and left him there in that Airbnb. I looked at the reviews and they did reference the bottom neighbors and the lack of AC. So I was more annoyed with the lack of research done. 

Okay I also went out with my coworkers on Friday. I had a great time. I think we forget that people are multifaceted and who we see at work does not always display people in a good light or show their personality.  It was good getting to know them I felt (to quote Perks of Being a Wallflower) infinite. 

I hope the rest of the trip goes well.

"We like to be out in nature so much because it has no opinion about us." -Friedrich Nietzsche 

** Full George Saunders speech with transcription